I've been thinking about Paris.

As You Wish.

Last night Fresh Air Cinema put on an event in Stanley Park. A showing of The Princess Bride by the sea at dusk.
It was great. It truly is a perfect movie, and so fun to watch with an audience. Everyone was laughing and clapping and cheering and booing at all the good parts. Everyone was happy.
I love it.

i love youtube.

I love how his voice is older. It makes this song better.

I asked a boy on a date.

These guys are breaking my heart.

England was fantastic.
check out my sisters pics.

(a list)

- spike jonze
- and what he's doing with his talent and resources.
- writers of poems
- good friends who do remarkable and beautiful and interesting things.
- ant colonies.
- coffee

How to tell if you need a little vacation.

Most people are pretty selfish, sneaky, and rude. Awful.
I love the totalness of blanket statements.

I don't really believe it. At least, I don't want to believe it.
Maybe we're in a season of mean-ness. Maybe I've lost tolerance for bad behaviour. I don't know what it is.

It just seems that common courtesy has disappeared, and you get burned when you try to stand up for it. You get burned when you try to use it.

I struggle to do what is right and good. I try to figure it out and do the best thing. A lot of the time I fail at that, but something is learned in the process...I hope.

It makes me crazy when people just do whatever the fuck they want, and then shrug it off with a whisper of apology.

I wish there was a response other than "It's okay."
Sometimes it's not okay.

A week in the english countryside sounds amazing right now. I bet even the sheep and the cows have basic manners there.

beautiful moon.

Last night's moon was a beautiful moon.

I was walking up the hill when I noticed it, all at once I wished I had someone to call and say: "Look at the moon, it's a beautiful moon."
There is intimacy in tiny observations.
I stood for a minute and looked at it. Then I got bored. Some things are really great all on your own, but sometimes they are better with two.

I hope you saw it anyway. And I hope you thought it was a beautiful moon.
Because it was.

I haven't written anything here in a long time.
This is because I bought a typewriter.
Also, I feel that others in this world are better at expressing ideas.
So for now I leave it up to them.
At least until I have words worth saying.

i love this

a beast for thee.

The wheels are in motion for another adventure.
I have always wanted a benefactor who could financially support my wanderings.
Today I realized that I am doing an okay job of that. (well, with a little help from the bank). It's not first class, but it's Something. It's the Something that matters. It's nice not to have regret there. Every dollar (even the decadent dollars) was money well-spent. I would do it again...except maybe I would read my airplane itineraries (24 hour clock and all) more carefully.

Thinking of canceling my facebook account. My heart breaks on facebook. The green monster of jealousy rises daily, and it gobbles up all that potential sweetness. I do not like communicating via status updates.

I am changing my mind about art. I think I want to make some again. This is huge, by the way, because I currently have a horrible view of the art realm.

My willingness to try it again has been (partially) inspired by this guy:



Be warned, oh ye of delicate ears, there is adult language in this video. I like what he has to say about...things.

I went to see Brody yesterday for a little tattoo touch-up. I think I like going to the tattoo parlour. It's strangely relaxing. I think it's because I like Brody. Someone asked me if he was kind, my answer was a resounding yes. And my tattoos look so pretty.

While there, on the cusp of Burnaby, I stumbled across a great store! I kind of want to keep it a secret. I am making plans to go back and buy at least 3 pairs of shoes.

I have to pee.

Here is a point of reference for the above above video.

Another List.

Inspired by my biggest sister.
Things I am loving.
Because love is cool.
I love:
- how laundry day gives you leave to wear totally weird and great outfits that no one sees except your room mate's cats.
- new tattoos of Peter Pan kisses As done by a new and interesting friend who sends you Gillian Welch music because you both love her.
- A million new snow drops and crocus' that i swear weren't there yesterday.
- Red Wind, by my old friend Sabrina, who is an amazing and beautiful and lovely person with a heart of gold and head full of smarts.
- New haircuts.
- The nicest Valentine in the whole world as given to me by this young man.
- Son of Rambow.

- encouragement.
- New nail polish colors.
- The Niche Market just two blocks away. FULL of German products, including Das Duche and every flavour of rittersport (minus the peanut). I don't love that it doesn't carry Club Mate
- Bob Dylan. For sure.
- How google maps has turned some cities into wonderlands for the computer traveller. I can't make a link, but go to rome and zoom in, and look around. it's like you're there, but you're not eating gelato, or smelling the sunshine, or drinking the world's greatest cappuccino.
- There's this graffiti on Broadway that says: Your dumb. It's hilarious.
- Making Canadian pizza for the boys at work.
- Reading Roald Dahl again. The BFG is so funny.
- Stopping making silly lists, even though they could go on and on, but I want to make a banner for my front window. It's going to say: "It's just a mountain, I can move it" If you don't get it, your dumb.

A List

These are things I am romanticizing about Berlin:
1. Waking up to the sound of Ben shuffling cards in the kitchen, the smell of coffee, and The Cavesingers.
2. The Canal at anytime of the year, at anytime of the day. Especially between the bridges of Alexandrinenstrasse and Prinzenstrasse.
3. Sitting on the steps at Gendarmenmarkt watching tourists taking pictures and children chasing pigeons.
4. Shoe shops.
5. Turkish market.
6. 90 cent scoops of gelato
7. Lying in the grass at Teirgarten.
8. Martika.
9. Shopping and laughing with Kendra.
10. Bike Paths.
11. Bonanza Coffee Heroes.
12. Delores.
13. COS!
14. Feeling proud about successfully ordering a cup of coffee in German.
15. Writing in my journal everyday.
16. Chili ahorn.
17. An adventure that's just a train ride away.
18. Club Mate.

I have been missing Berlin.
I think this is just the clouds rolling down the mountains, over the sea, through the harbor, up to my window.
The bird in my chest is fluttering her wings. (again)



this is nice music...

mystery clock.

My neice stuck her tongue out at me, so i kissed it. she said it was so gross and that it tasted like a clock. a mystery clock. ? .
I love it here at my mom and dad's place. Charlie keeps a nice lawn and it smells like sweet peas. i harldy do anything here. I am sleeping in the laundry room. I am cuddling. I am having a nice time.
Making lots of secret plans.

There is a lot about Vancouver that I could do without.
Fashion blogs. Pee scented alleys. Needles in the grass. Olympics.
Whatever.

Mostly, my heart is full to exploding. Gutts everywhere.
Thinking a lot about love. The good kind of love. The kind where you find home.
Maybe it's found in a cup of tea or in a hairdryer. I don't know.
It makes me square.
That's okay.
Got me some Washington Phillips, and a good friend, and full belly.

A huge bed.
Clean PJ's.
A new moleskin.
A good book.
Rad.

upsdates

It's been all about the porch in the evening.
And young jeezy coming up through the floor.
It's been about letting things come to you at the alarming rate they do.
I like Vancouver.
As more time rides by, I feel more stoked about being here.
Slotting back in is not as easy as you would think, but I am thankful for that.
Old friends and new friends.
Saying yes.
Stackin' paper.
Shoes that give blisters.
A cat that cuddles.
Sex and the City.

Things like that.

Berlin is back to feeling far away.
I still want adventure here.
Who's in?

I think that Vancouver might be kind of awesome.
I like that it contains the following:
- china town
- free delisio pizza at burrard street skytrain station.
- mountains.
- cute boys!
- people who hug you until your guts feel like pudding.
- that clock that blows steam into the air.
- john rogers park.
- kate freeman.
- the greatest neighborhood in the world.

reading the signs

Oh Vancouver.
I almost missed my plane on purpose.
I almost took my pizza job back. I almost did it.
When we descended into Vancouver, and the clouds broke into the greyness of Richmond, I kind of wanted to press the rewind button.
But here I am, and it's pretty great. Nothing has changed too much. There is a new Starbucks on Main Street, and they're gonna build another one pretty close on Broadway. People have longer hair and it seems that acid is the new weed.
The mountains are lovely, and air is fresh.
I have about a million and a half questions for the cosmos, and I hope some answers turn up soon.
It's a challenge. A bigger one than you would think. The coming home.
I think this is home?
It probably doesn't matter. Where the heart is, right?
Thumping along behind my ribs.

Around the corner from Jenny and P's there is a sign in a flower bed: Cut our flowers, and we'll cut your dick off.

Vancouver.

things about other things and stuff

Sometimes when you see a man from far away and he's wearing a fanny pack, it looks like he has a speedo over top of his pants. It's like britney spears in that slave video, but kind of funnier.
It's amusing.
Tomorrow we are heading to the woods for a woodland adventure. I have face paints for the occasion.
Tonight is my last night at bernburgerstr. 35. weird.
I am lazy in the packing and cleaning department. I am better at somethings when there is pressure and deadlines. How can I possibly clean when the sun is shining and there's coffee to drink and youtube.com?
I officially have one week left on this european jaunt...providing i get it together enough to catch the planes.
I'm ready for it.
These last few days are fun, and i'm doing that thing where you're all like, this will be the last time i stutter that non-german-german word. or the last time i see this h and m or that h and m. I haven't been here long enough to feel nostalgia, but I am feeling like i'm just starting to get to know people on that friendly level where i wish we had met in january.
on the other hand...
i am happy to be seeing friends and family. i plan on spending a week at my parents house, pestering them to bits, and trying to swim in the ocean by their house.

on monday we had a real adventure. ben too loads of photos, but it doesn't do it justice. we went to this old abandoned sanitarium/hospital/barracks/morgue. i was trying to figure out how to describe it, but it's hard. It was dank and dirty and I'm sure there were loads of ghosts. it was also beautiful and still and mysterious. One of those days you'll always remember and try to talk about, but that won't translate to anything other than really experiencing it.
so i'm not going to try.
i'm not going to tell you where it is either. it's secret.

berlin is so different in the summer.
sometimes it really doesn't feel like a big city at all.

i am excited also to see london for a coupla days. i wanna see primark and the peter pan statue in hyde park. mostly i wanna walk around and see things, and know where i am.
sometimes i forget what a privilege it is to be here.
i can curse german cell phone plans all i want, but what a luxury it is if that's something that i can complain about.
it's kind of amazing when i think about it.

bird brains

One more shift left at Ron's.
I am happy to not have to make pizza anymore...unless I want to.
Once again the near future is in fog, but distance is clear.
I would rather have it this way. The near future figures itself out faster than the distance.
My bike, my flying pigeon, has turned out to be a piece of junk. I guess that's what you get for naming a bike after a pigeon...coulda guessed. I am sure that some of the disrepair is due my own neglect, and three months in the rain with nary a tune-up. I prefer to just blame the bike. Life is easier when you transfer blame onto inanimate objects.
To add to the general awesomeness of the bike, I have gone ahead and fixed both pedals with white duct tape. Like a true Canadian. Class all the way.
So as time here is finishing itself, I find that I am happy to be going back.
I am anticipating the usual going-back feelings.
I am looking forward to comfortable friends and casual conversations that aren't about pizza or art galleries.
I am looking forward to the sunsetting on the mountains.

There is much to miss about Berlin as well.

A couple of days ago Ben and I went to some lake in the suburbs. I forget what it's called and I'm too lazy to look it up. It's like, about 12K and lovely with people running and dog-walking. It reminded me a little of Westwood lake...only a bit less rustic. Half way around the lake is a beer garden. Of course we stopped. The little birds were so aggressive that they started eating right out of our hands. So cute. One little guy even sat on my fingers for a few seconds. Just like Cinderella.

Rob and Sasha are in town now. Having fun. Nice people. Everybody loves these guys, so it's pleasure to see their faces in my kitchen.

I am tired...a little.